"One can't enter a strong person's house and take it by force without tying his hands. Then one can loot his house."
Here weariness, sleepless nights, fuelled by hunger alone; casts a warning shadow over my waking thoughts. Perplexity with no finger. Permeates my friend; aloud with deafening chills. Nightmare living. Darkness, thick, unseen, surrounds the Hightower. Here man's worst, black and crude, left drawn and quartered; citadel on the plains. Greed defines this place; its citizens. Nightmarish, puzzling decaying claw, cast in metal and razors holding fast to what it has caught. All that is precious; lapping up texas tea. Why was she put onto my path? Slick images float on the oily tide. Creeping in silence; outskirting, jackals in wait. Eyes in the darkness akin to bubbles on the surface; empty familiarity. Difficulty shaken the spine with feelings unmovable. Yet more chills. Solitary has been confined in grays and black; mired alone in the tar. Bound and binding. Everything has a cost; only dreams are free. A desert rose. Calling out to me without sound; messages. Of what is, what isn't; counted, dismissed as imaginary play during the sleepy hours. The body works; machines of rest. Energies seem best spent tending walking dreams during living hours; paranoia and illusionary fantasies. Hmmm, still, once a dream about Jennifer... one time, fantasy of the flesh. Flash. ...guiding her, she rolls over on top of me, leaving my hands free to caress her warm, soft skin. Bodies entwined, the weight of her heat and friction pressing arousal down on top of me. Embraced in the naked flesh, mouthing kisses, directed onto the nape of her neck. One lands. Then another. Slowly working a nibble towards the tip of her earlobe. The taste of hunger soon becomes redirected. Gently trailing across her cheek, seeking her mouth. A playful tongue moistening streaks and dots along the way. Urged on by the warmth of our steady, even, heavy breaths. Mouths agape. While one hand, leaves the cradle of her neck and follows the neckline down, fondling the closest waiting, exposed breast; erect and firm. Passion, thickly beating between pressed hearts. The other hand, guided along a gingerly streaking touch by the arch of her back, seeking. Finding shelter and warmth from across her supple backside. Subtle, gently sawing, massaging the soft, double mounds of flesh; fingers inching ever so slightly downward towards the dampness. Firm and erect, a lone digit eases itself ever forward; working, exploring deeper into the folds of anticipated ecstasy... Disturbed. Pushed away by the onslaught of harsh, violent, struggling emotions. Awakened. As if from a nightmare. A quick intake of air. "Ugh! What the hell just happened...?? Argh, what a fuckin' dream." Body rising up from the air mattress, pushing aside the still warm pillow. My head cradled between my hands; shaking the violent sensation of muddled confusion loose. Shifting state of morning arousal "What the hell was that? What just happened? Oh my God, that dream felt so real...” Logged. Understanding.
A culmination of desire; need, reaching what was so physically out of reach? Meaning, meaningless, questions follow the paths of confusion. Bringing life to dreams; pulling dreams into life? Again, wary of the attention I draw to myself; dangerous ripples left bobbing on the surrounding dark. Why must I be bound here? Such recognition of disturbing familiarity; a view to horrors come from dreams. Deja vue. I hate this city...
